Ever noticed how you end up thinking the same thoughts over and over again? There seem to be certain thoughts (and beliefs...) that function on autopilot and we think them over and over again each day.
If the Law of Attraction states that we get what we focus on, then maybe we need to do a bit of head de-cluttering!
Here are some ideas on how to create some space for better quality thoughts...
1 – Reduce overwhelm
I was chatting to a girlfriend the other day after she had been admitted to hospital for a nasty stress related tummy issue. She mentioned that one of her stresses was trying to pack the perfect lunch box on an evening. She totally realised she was making a rod for her own back and that could easily just make ham sandwiches.
I then asked her how much her kids (aged 9 and 11) helped around the house. Why weren't they making their own lunch boxes or just helping out with it? She then admitted that actually her kids didn't do much at all and she did most (read all) of it herself.
Do you do this? Do you do more than you have to for your kids, your partner, your parents, your friends and then end up feeling resentful or overwhelmed? Do you find your head space is crowded with awful thoughts of being unappreciated and taken for granted whilst simultaneously beating yourself up for creating this situation in the first place?
Could you get your kids/partner/parents/ friends to do more? Even simple chores like taking dinner plates through or unpacking the dishwasher can make a difference.
This example might not be totally relevant to your life but are there areas where you could pretty easily get some help? That all you need to do is to give it a bit of thought, get clear on what you want and then put it in place?
That way you can free up some much needed head space that would have been thinking thoughts of overwhelm and stress and replace them with thoughts about how nice it is that you don’t have to ‘do it all’.
2 – Set clear boundaries
Many of the thoughts we have around feeling stressed and overwhelmed or not good enough, can stem from not having clear boundaries. Do you say “Yes” when you mean "No"? You certainly wouldn't be the first woman in history!
I've been working with this as a theme with many of my clients at the moment and we often get caught in the trap of thinking 'how can I fix it?'. For example, "oh okay, if I have an issue with boundaries, how can I fix that? I should have clear boundaries, how can I make that better?"
The only problem with this type of thinking is that it feels like something else to add to the to do list! Which leads to more overwhelm!! Yikes, not what any of us need!
The great news is that there is a super simple way to circumvent the thinking/fixing and solve the problem. It’s actually super simple but… not always easy.
The answer is loving yourself. (Yes, that old chestnut!)
People who really love and respect themselves do not have boundary issues. They simply have a great sense of what is okay and what is not and are then able to verbalise it easily and clearly.
So, million dollar question, how can you love yourself more?
A beautiful way to do this is to imagine that you are your own best friend. What would your best friend say if she knew you were spending x amount of time doing x that left you totally stressed, overwhelmed and undervalued? Would she say it was okay?
Using that loving external perspective you could try the following:
– tell the truth of how you are feeling
Naming something really can be an incredible first step to letting it go. Eg it feels really sh_* when I’m up late doing something I don’t want to do and beating myself up about it. Just saying it like it is without any sugar coating, blame or excuse making can feel like taking a nice deep breath.
– Validate yourself
Using phrases like ‘it’s okay that you feel that way’, “yes, I can see that you do that and it’s alright” can help you to feel validated instead of judged. Just repeating the mantra “It’s okay, it’s okay” like you would to a child who is sad of unhappy can be amazingly powerful!
It’s saying to yourself yes, I see that and it’s okay that you're not perfect. Phew, another deep breath.
- What do you really want?
This step can be super powerful. Most of the time we have no idea what we really want, we just know that we don’t want to feel like this anymore!
So asking yourself this simple question can evoke a very simple answer. Eg “I want to sort out the lunch boxes quickly and easily and then not give it another thought”.
This immediately gives you something clear to focus on. And you get to focus on the thing you actually want and not the thing you don’t want!!
Once you are clear about what you want it will be much easier to put a few simple steps in place to help you achieve that.
Now you are left with a sense of clarity and accomplishment and that always makes us feel better.
– Get help if you need it
I always marvel at how quickly and easily bodies let go of stress given the right circumstances. I see this all the time with my BodyTalk clients. Having a hand to hold can be invaluable and actually quite a lot of fun!
Not only do you get the benefit of another perspective (and one that has your best interests at heart) but you get to enjoy gentle relaxation whilst your body takes care of the re-balancing and clearing for you.
BodyTalk is like magic for re-setting the adrenals, reducing stress and anxiety and opening a much more positive, enjoyable head-space to live in!
I’m currently combining it with the clearing power of The Journey and wonderful gentleness of Reiki and I am constantly floored at the INCREDIBLE results that my clients see in every area of their lives. Makes me want to skip!
3 – Focus on gratitude
I read somewhere that the centres for fear and gratitude are located really close to each other in the brain. This means that when you are scared you can’t access gratitude and when you are grateful, you can’t feel scared.
I’m not sure how anatomically true that is, but the reality certainly seems true. Try it for yourself.
Taking time each day to focus on the things in your life that are good, that are going well, that you are doing a good job with can help boost your self esteem and increase the number of good thoughts in your head.
We tend to focus on what is wrong or broken and thus create more stress for ourselves. Developing a daily gratitude practice can be a really positive, practical step in the right direction.
So…now that you have some great ideas for de-cluttering your head, you can spend more time and energy focusing on the good stuff and what you really want from your lovely life.
Enjoy!!
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